have been choosing to "appear offline" these days, not sure y though.. aven had the feeling to want to talk much.. guess i'm trying to act lonely again.. sometimes i wonder, since when hav i ever so alone.. so much so that i dun really need anyone's company, not at all.. the only time i felt real alone was last weekend. juz came back fr a family chalet. ma was away in Genting and pa had to attend a wedding dinner.. took a nap, woke up and made myself cup noodles, while watching tv.. doing these all alone, i feel a sudden gush of lonliness all of a sudden.. i text my sis, simple words, "i'm so lonely". man, how emo hav i gotten myself..
but i was up to my usual self again.. i guess, this is how only child feels.. for once, i was able to experience that.. it was lonely ya, but it told me something, i dun really need another person's company in order to survive that moment of lonliness.. perhaps, being alone has its benefits.. (and for once, i missed my mum... her complains, her voice, her everything)
heard this new song fr tarcy su.. she's was this singer from the 90s'. think everyone grew up hearing her sing ya zi (duck), and lemon tree.. but she had this new songs which is really good. the lyrics made lots sense... it's titled "zuo pie zi" aka left hander.. initially, i didn pay much attention to it, i even thot, wat sort of title is tt? so corny? wat so nice to write abt left handers? are they aliens? but after the DJ narrate a line fr the song, i thot, such meaningful words.. this is how it goes:
左边的无名指，
我渴望是你最后决定定居的地址
to translate, it simply means i hope that the ring finger on your left hand is your final address. this means u will never break up with me to know someone else.. how often, we hope, we could be tgt, but how many times, "together forever" is real? i never believe in that, i juz hope, we will cherish the times we had and not think abt wanting to be tgt forver, cos being tgt forever is never real, never going to happen.
food for thot for today
bye.for.now.jess
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